This post is written by Hayley MacPhail, an accredited mediator with the Ontario Association for Family Mediation and an instructor at Kompass Professional Development, a division of Herzing College. She holds a master’s degree in counselling psychology from the University of Toronto and is passionate about shifting conflict and problem-saturated stories to solutions and strength-based resolutions.
Recently I heard a sportscaster comment on a bad decision by a professional tennis player after they missed a game-winning shot. The sportscaster remarked that as a coach, he would say to the athlete, “What were you thinking when that was happening?” In other words, he would encourage the athlete to think about and articulate how they made their decision.
Reflection is vital to supporting your development as a mediator and achieving client success during mediation. Mediators need to practice reflecting during the mediation (in action) and after the mediation (on action). (D. Schon 1983)
What is Reflection?
Reflection is the state of being aware of ourselves, our thoughts, our beliefs, and our actions. When we take on a profession in which we are working with other people’s values, beliefs, and social location, we mustn’t mix up or attribute our values, beliefs, and thoughts with another person’s actions, emotions, and behaviour.
We must understand the lens through which we view the world to better hear our client’s unique values and concerns. We need to condition ourselves to be fully aware of what we are thinking and train our thoughts and attention to support our mediation process.
Imagine that while walking down a crowded street, you unexpectedly see a glimpse of your reflection. You become aware of yourself in the moment and in action. You notice how others are moving and their intended direction and pace. You match your steps and pace with the group and change it up to move ahead or pull behind. You are aware of your path and how to get there and work alongside the crowd to do this.
As mediators, we must be aware of ourselves as we stride through the throng and make progress together toward our destination. We must be conscious of matching the client’s readiness and encouraging clients to think about the path forward.
Clients will often let us know when we are not paying quality attention with a confused or worried expression. They may even be frustrated enough that they respond with, “Well, as I said previously…”
My goal as their mediator is to encourage clients to think and consider how they can reach their goals and intended outcomes in a sustainable manner. So, when a client feels compelled to retell their positions, I see that as a miss-hit on my part. It informs me that I was not paying sufficient attention and/or my biases and preconceived ideas have taken over.
How Reflection Impacts Mediators
Reflection is key to:
Maintaining Neutrality and Impartiality
As a mediator specifically with families who are experiencing fear, sorrow, and a lot of uncertainty and change, it is vital that I remain neutral and impartial, yet simultaneously connect with my clients.
As I support and validate my clients’ worries so that they can move toward options, I also need to be aware of my own sense of right and wrong, and the values I hold that I may mistakenly attribute to the client. My role is to listen and encourage discussion on how they have been affected by the present conflict in their life and how they are coping with adversity and change.
Facilitating Self-Determination
I connect with post-modernist theories. These theories posit that we are not, as Freud imagined, predetermined beings; rather, we have agency and can actively work on mastery of our own lives. Though our actions in another’s viewpoint may appear misguided, wrong, or morally corrupt, these decisions and actions are about restoring balance, safety, and an attempt to thrive.
I have learned to draw out these choices which clients have made and to embrace not-so-good choices because they are their own life experts and it is important that I respect and learn from them and their choices.
Building Rapport
I have learned that it is not always the practitioner’s skill that supports the client nor the techniques or theories the mediator employs. Rather, it is their ability to build rapport with their clients.
Being a reflective practitioner is about building a rapport with your clients. The client then feels comfortable talking about their feelings, thoughts, and actions. They feel they will not be judged and that there is value in exploring their hopes and goals and growing from these hard decisions.
Letting Clients Do the Work
A mantra of mine from solution-based theory is to never work harder than your clients, because if you are working hard then your client is not.
I avoid providing solutions to my clients. An absolute no-no for me is to direct or guide my mediation clients to what I believe is the best solution. For me, it’s about ensuring the clients have voice and ownership in the mediation process, and that I am supporting them to co-create a sustainable solution.
My goals are to be curious about and mindful of the clients’ strengths and challenges during this tough time, and to constantly check in with myself about where I am at and how I am connecting with my clients and their vision of change.
Avoiding Unconscious Bias
The most important thing is not to silence our clients’ voices, but to respect and encourage each person to speak out and to think about the conflict. We do this by working on our unconscious bias—our inclination to conclude a situation based on our beliefs, our desires, and our prejudices.
As mediators, we may have heard or experienced a similar story or dealt with the same conflict in our personal lives and attribute similar facts or experiences to their circumstances. A mediator who is not reflective may not be conscious that they are basing their thoughts, questions, and actions on mistaken, inaccurate, or incomplete information.
Improving one’s practice can only happen through maintaining awareness of what we do and why. Being mindful and reflecting upon why we asked that question or responded to the clients in that manner are helpful tools for learning about our practice.
Reflecting on Reflection
Practicing reflection is like taking a deep breath. The deeper the breath, the better the exchange of stale oxygen for refreshed oxygen. The deeper and more regular the reflection, the clearer the work becomes for you and the clients.
I have the great pleasure of being immersed in growing my mediation practice. As a teacher with Kompass, I encourage my students to be reflective practitioners and mindful of how they do the work with clients.
I love being part of my students’ ah-ha moments when they change their question from a closed and guiding, investigative question to an open, curious question. I enjoy hearing the pretend client say that is a good question and stop to think, evaluate, or reflect on how to respond.
Ahh, the client is now working hard, and less obviously, so is the mediator.
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This post is written by Hayley MacPhail, an accredited mediator with the Ontario Association for Family Mediation and an instructor at Kompass Professional Development, a division of Herzing College. She holds a master’s degree in counselling psychology from the University of Toronto and is passionate about shifting conflict and problem-saturated stories to solutions and strength-based resolutions.
Reviewed and Edited by the ADRIO Newsletter Blog Committee in collaboration with Staff:
Babara Benoliel (Chair)
Ben Drory
Robyn Jacobson
Kim Parish
Tommy Lam (Staff)
The opinions expressed in the articles featured in this blog are that of the respective writers and do not represent the views of The ADR Institute of Ontario.